Went for a run, found a hula hoop washed up on the beach, hula hooped for twenty mintues by the sea, then ran back with it. Saw a man cutting a bath tub in half to make two wheelbarrows to see. Tried a 'dulce' made from potatoes pumped with sugar so it looked and tasted like potatoey syrup. Got asked to play baseball for Barranquilla. Taught the baseball jocks how to tackle in rubgy. drank more guadiente on the street, changed my jeans with a German man so he could get into the club whilst I wore his shorts. Got told that I would catch a fever if I dont wear shoes in the house. Ate a roll filled with cheese and jam, then fried. Battled against the tic invasion in my room. Gave cocodamol to my granny. Danced inappropriately with my students again. Damn reggaeton. Persuaded my students to do a test and then spent 2 hours watching the simpsons in Spanish. Never a dull moment here.

Samba/Rumba/Salsasize and Caopeira

Have just discovered the local gym runs aerobics classes so rocked up expecting standard gym fair. I paid my 40p for the class and to use all the equipment. No induction necessary and mingled amongst the busty and bummy Colombian ladies with my other blonde friend. This great gay man sachayed out and started pumping out the typical colombian beats. They only have about 5 songs here which are played repeatedly in every lugar, from the trendy club in Barranquilla to the radio on the local busetas to it seems our very own 'Gym School Power' rumbasize. The instructor stood with his back to us and his booty took up a mine of its own shaking in circles the rythmn of the music. Hynotising me into a tracelike state. The class feels like you are losing weight by shaking the fat off your bum and thighs. I wish I could move like a Colombian lady/gayman. I have been every night since.

Today went to a Capoeira class, hideously hungover but tempted by the promise of watching a fit Brazilian man all morning. Plus my two lady friends were coming with. I rocked up stinking of aguadiente to discover that I was the oldest by about 12 years in this class. Great. plus my other two friends werent there. Resolved to do something out of my comfort zone every day I rolled with in and proceeded to cartwheel around the patio, walk like a crab on my back and walk on my hands and knees with my bum in the air. Shaking of the embarrasement of being almost the only women, certainly the only one with breasts and the ability to grow leg hair I actually really got into it, handstanding up against the instructor and taking out my headache by kicking the instructor repeatedly in the chest. Then Fiona turned up and we did some more stuff in our typically awkward English way whilst gossiping about the fact that Fi had managed to pull a guy within less than half an hour of meeting him. and that at the kareoke bar, first prize was an actual chicken which one of our group won. An actual live chicken in a club which we all had a turn dancing with to some Salsa befpre we put it in a box to take home. An actual chicken. I love colombia.

Gosh, well what has happened in the last couple of weeks. Muchos. I'm going to try and start hace dos semanas but more than likely it will degenerate into inconguous garble.

Fi, Alex and I decided we needed an escape from the Latiness that is Puerto Colombia and perhaps meet some people from other countries. For many things being the only white person /girl in Puerto does have its advantages- I can now climb for free at the local University, having been filmed for their promotional video as the first white person to climb their wall (incidentally Fiona and I reached the top, whereas the lovely Colombian baseball playing jocks didn't. Girl power) and today in my hideous capoeira class- more later- Fi and I were shot for another promotional video, this time for the local gym, lovingly titled "Gym School Power". Sadly being an English girl in Puerto does have its disadvantages, mainly from the machismo men here who think I will turn aound and flirt if the hiss at me and then tell me I am the most beautiful girl in the continent. A few weeks ago a policeman on a moped cornered me, took off his helmet and then asked if I was an angel fallen from heaven. I just laughed in his face I was so shocked. Now this all sounds very complimentary and nice, but imagine it every single day, from the minute you leave the house to the moment you enter school, where even the doormen tell you they are in love with you. And after that you get to face the porn obsessed 15 year olds who keep asking what "suck my pussy" means in Spanish.

Anyway we escaped to Cartagena, described as the 'architectural gem of the continent' and it is beautiful. Beautiful. Sadly we got there to discover that for elections there is a nationwide ban on drinking for the whole weekend. It's illegal to sell and illegal to buy. We feigned ignorance and cadged some from a local store through the bars and smuggled it to our hosel in brown paper bags. Standard.

Met some lovely Americans and a Swede (ha!) and visited the Volcan de Totumu, which basically looks like a giant ants hill and instead of spewing lava it spews mud, which the Colombians in their infinite wisdom think is great for the skin. It probably was once. You climb to the top of this volcano and slowly lower yourself into this mud which is 2300m deep. The texture is something I could never even have imagined but I will try to describe it. As you lower yourself in you feel this crazy pressure against your body. its too dense to swim in but feels loke slightly whipped double cream, it looked a tiny bit like melted chocolate. I was dreaming this. We thought it'd be a genius idea to skinny dip in this mud as you can force yourself low enough to cover your boobs, although the more boyant ladies had a wee bit of trouble which the locals enjoyed. I proceeded to remove my bikini bottoms as you do and then had horrible thoughts about whether this mud incubated horrible diseases and about whether I could catch an STD from a volcano. I tried to put my bottoms back on. Probably 100 times worse than leaving them on as wehn I exited I had to squeeze about 2 punds worth of mud out from between my bum and shorts. Nice.

Amazing day. Even better wash in the lake afterwards. The next day we all went to Playa Blanca, a beautiful beautiful beach and the first evidence of Colombia actually being on the Carribbean coast. We did all the cliched things, slept in hammocks overnight, drank rum, invented stories about a lesbian hunchback revolution, went skinny dipping in the dark and swished out hands in the water to see the luminescent bugs, got bitten by mosquitos, played the guitar and sang as well as we played (not very) ate fresh fish, ate more rice, discoved there were no toilets on the island, drank pina coladas from coconuts, climbed trees, read, played frisbee in the sea. It was awesome. Awesome. Returned to Puerto ready to face a fresh barrage of compliments.

I've had a weird 2 days. yet again. weird. On the plus side, my mum has taken the hint about fried stuff and I get grilled arepas with salad every morning now, yay! And today I had a race with a moped on my morning run and won. Get in! But today I woke up with a cockroach on my face. ah well rough with the smooth and all that. Yesterday we went to celebrate women's day at a show put on by the twins- kind of like a festival ceebrating women, but just a lot lot weirder. As we walked in all the women were given red roses (bleugh) and sweeties and then a pamphet about practising safe sex and preaching about abortion (its still illegal here). I think I may send that to you just so you can see how crazy it it, and then we got given a flyer saying how great women were and how men couldn't live without us. That was fine. Then came the music, now I have no idea what they were thinking when they formed the line up we started off with a traditional sirenato band complete in giant hats with studded trousers and trumpets, this was followed by an evangelical priest lady who, after having breast cancer and surviving, told us all about her new sex life with her husband now she has no boobs, then went on to say that her new job is singing motivational songs in cancer wards and whilst people are having chemotherapy (I did cry here..) and we were treated to her singing her pseudo evangelical cancer parodies on pop music- including one by Britney. Then the twins came on dressed as ganster rappers and sang their reggeton tunes complete with UV lights and smoke machines. A very very entertaining 3 hours worth, and all the women got snacks and drinks half way through! sweet as.

In other news Carneval was absoultely fantastic. I went out lots with the teachers who are convinced I am England's version of Shakira and that I dance better than a Colombian. I think it was the free bar that gave them this impression! The old men here have taken it upon themselves to protect my honour with Harry and now won't let any man under the age of 50 dance with me. Which makes everything a bit dull, if a lot safer!! But no its great I'm trying to find someone to give me free Salsa classes in exchange for English classes. So fingers crossed!

I'm having a fantastic time. A few ups and downs- the family tried to put the dog down by feeding it rat poison- sadly it didnt work and I spent most of the new stroking and calming the dog whilst it foamed and vomited. Also the younger twin is studying medicine and apparently needs to practise disections at home so this weekend a dead human body (cleaned and preserved with salt water?) is arriving the the boot of their dad's car to live in the bedroom with me. It's kept in an air conditioned box. Pretty sure that's not how it works in England.....Teaching is awesome and I'm loving it, mc donalds style. I have just been asked to be in the school play which is an interpretive dance albout the local pier through the ages. I wish I was making this e-mail up! It starts when the pier was fully funcioning and there were tradesmen from accross the world that settled here. I am representing England- dressed as an English speaking boat. Then it shows how the port moved so the pier became a tourist site, then the falling of the pier which happened last year and it ends with people crying over the pier. Woop. should be pretty fun viewing. I cannot wait to start rehearsals...... (I wish people understood sarcasm in Colombia, although it is funnier just being sarcastic in my head!)

Despite what you may read on my facebook page I was on tv for legitimate reasons talking about how us English were going to make a massive difference to this region and make our school the first bilingual school in colombia...... fingers crossed eh! It seems not even the 16 years olds have yet learned to say 'my name is...' ah well. No loving it here. cannot believe it has been 3 weeks already. I have been given the role of teaching the 15 year olds for the whole semester as they havent managed to employ anyone capable. A bt of a step up from teaching assistant as I nw have to manage the whole class on my own and set their homework and exem but it should be great practise for next year!!My Spanish is on the up and I can pretty much understand everything now, even with the crazy accent here where they dont say 's' ever. off to Barranquilla tomorrow to geta weeks work of vegetables down my gullet. The diet here is friend cabs for every meal. I will come back with oil seeping out my pores urgh...

Today I experienced rain for the first time in 4 weeks. Can you believe it? Alex and I went trekking in the Sierra Nevada and got stuck in a cloud on top of the mountain until we could descend enough to get out of it! I went to visit the village where I was supposed to be teaching and it was absolutely beautiful, up in the mountains, smelling of coffee and there were some great waterfalls that you could swim in and dive off from. Although I now resemble a plague victim as the native bugs seem to like my blood and I think I am allergic to them as my legs have swelled up with giant red blotches. It's probably a good thing I didn't go there otherwise I would come back as a big red blotch!

Visted Cartagena, got accosted by prostitutes, loads of beautiful sunsest and buildings, Chilling out at the school now- met the local mayor, governor, been on Colombian tv. Still weeing out my bum, danced salsa last night after reading a robert burns poem to my family and drinking whiskey, carneval here this weekend, off to make lemon cake.

First Weeks in a Nutshell

It´s been a pretty eventful first few days. Trekked to the Lost City which was absolutely beautiful and hidden deep in the jungle, There was no one there apart from our trek group and loads of colombian soldiers who are guading the jungle against the drug lords! It was pretty weird jumping into all the rivers over waterfalls in just a bikini with loads of soldiers cheering you on with their massive guns and armour- some were even carrying bazukas. They loved posing with their guns at your head for photos and had somehow managed to smuggle a puppy into the jungle with them. Interesting! Chilled out in this hippy fishing village called Taganga after that and met some lovely lovely people who we´re now travelling with. Alexand I are in Cartagena after a crazy trip here yesterday which involved us hitching with a german trucker who was obsessed with playing metallica and led zepplin we then got stopped by the police as it turned out this german´s insurance ran out the day before- very unkucky - and we had to bribe them into letting us travel on. Cartagena is beautiful, gorgeous sunsets from the walls. There is a great Cafe `del Mar`with fantastic music. Sadly the drinks are too expensive so Alex, Francis, Paul and I just sat on the canons next to it and took in the atmsophere with our iodined tap water.